Gender is a sensitive topic. There seem to be two prevailing opinions on its nature currently: gender is based on sex -vs- gender is based on feeling. As is often the case in arguments between conservative ideals and liberal ideals, both sides have pieces of the truth, but miss the bigger picture. Gender is not based on sex or feeling, but on enneagram.

In order to understand gender through an enneagramical lens, we must first acknowledge the self-contradictory nature of how gender is thought of currently. Most cultures say that men and women are who they are naturally, but then invest immense amounts of energy into ensuring that men and women behave the way that they’re meant to; which begs the question: if something is natural, then why does it have to be created artificially? Such contradictions continue: men are told to be leaders, but women are the one’s who are raised to be capable enough to lead. Women are said to be more submissive than men, but men often seek out roles in their work and hobbies that require obedience. Men are seen as dangerous sexual predators, but are not seen as having valid sexual boundaries.

The conclusion is clear: there is often a big difference between what we are taught about gender and what we actually experience. But the full truth is even grander. Disregarding what we are told is true and only looking at what we actually experience, how much of even that is based on nature and not nurture? Men often lack accountability and self-awareness; is that because they have a penis? Women are often insecure and irrational; is that because of their estrogen?

What my research has found is this: most differences between men and women can be attributed to nurture. Men are not praised for thoughtfulness, but for domination, and so those are the traits that they prioritize cultivating. Women are told that their worth lies in how they're perceived by men, so it matters more to them when their makeup doesn’t look right, or when their man doesn’t seem as interested in them as they want them to be. These misattributions of the products nurture as the products of nature are endless; the truth is that men are the way they are because of how they are raised, and the same goes for women.

But this doesn’t mean that gender doesn’t exist. In my study of the values of enneagram, I saw a pattern emerge. Some of the values were informed by the desires of those around them, while others were more independent. Some of the values were more service-oriented, while others were more self-oriented. Some seemed more malleable, while others seemed more fixed. I had found it, the true division between femininity and masculinity. And this division wasn’t a division at all, but rather an interwoven partnership. The feminine takes action to nurture the community, while the masculine tends to itself, and that self-care happens to support the community. The feminine is the water rushing towards those who need it, while the masculine is the earth that gives everyone somewhere to rest. This partnership wasn’t just interpersonal, too, it was intrapersonal. Most enneagram had both masculine and feminine energy within them, the land and the river all in one. And each combination was unique, all a slightly different joining of the two energies. This finding validated the hypothesis that had been tugging at my subconscious for months: gender is based on enneagram, not sex or feeling. There are not strictly two genders, or an infinite number of them, but rather twenty-seven fixed possibilities that are not based on what clothing you like to wear, or what chromosomes you have, but on what it is you value, on who you truly are.

This conclusion is rather radical, but as someone who has felt something to be off about the way people perceive gender for many years, it comes as a relief.

The masculine and feminine values are as follows:

Masculine: 1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9

Feminine: 2, 3, 6